Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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