even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
