It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize