You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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