I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I deserve this hangover.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
