I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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