so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
