i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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