You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
