do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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