You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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