I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
