I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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