a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
