she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
