I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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