so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
