So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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