You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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