ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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