accomplished twins. life is a go
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
