is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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