Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
