Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
