i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
