you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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