I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
