I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
