I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
