Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
