weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
