we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
