You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
