she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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