He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
