It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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