I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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