he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize