You just made me feel so damn special
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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