I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
