i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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