You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
