just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
