i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
