it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
