I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
