this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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