She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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