dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
