Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
