smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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