I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
