Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
