Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
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