watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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