ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
