hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
zippers are such a cool invention
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize