Small penises have feelings too.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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