Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
