he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
