Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
