I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
