Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
