I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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