Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
