Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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