If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
