And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
