I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Your penis caused this!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
