I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I am mentally ready for anal.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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