Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
