So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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