I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
