shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
