it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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