I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
