those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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