we have officially lost it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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