East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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