Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
