Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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