I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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