I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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