kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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