I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
