I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
