So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
