He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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