when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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