your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
