Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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