Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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